The word survive means to "continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship according" to the online Dictionary. That's exactly what I am doing- trying to survive this new life, even after abuse.
Some days are easier than others. For the last three years I have endured unvarying court battles, each different. The criminal, custody, divorce and civil. Each equally challenging. My main priority is taking care of my kids, raising them right. I understand our life is different, it is not the typical "mom, dad and kids" household. It is just me and my babies, but there is so much love. I often think back to how our life was before I walked away, everything my daughter witnessed, the violence, the fear, my son on the other hand, knows nothing but love and laughter as my daughter sees now. I can't imagine how our life would have turned out if I stayed, or even if I would still be alive. How it would affect my kids future.
The court hearings are agonizing and expensive, but I look at the joy, love and hope my kids and I now have, that is surviving. We all have a journey in life, it can be tough, but we learn how tough we truly are by not giving up. I've learned to stop asking 'why me?, why my kids?' I now thank God for my journey and how it has made me stronger.
You can't change the past. I made the decision to walk away, I remember that day crystal clear when I looked at my two beautiful kids and made that choice it was time. I didn't want to show my daughter that is how she should be treated by a man, and show my son that is how you treat a woman. I was just as a determined then to show them that when you fall, you get back up, brush off and keep going as I am now. We all have challenges in life, it is how we rise that defines us. I will show my kids to live victoriously, not as victim. My hope is that someone reading my story, reading my blogs you too will find the courage at the moment you're meant too. You will survive, you will move on, and trust me - life will give you new challenges, but if you survive one battle, you can survive them all.